Saturday, May 3, 2014
Nope.
I was delusional. Still as fat as ever, still as ugly as ever, still as out-of-shape as ever, still as unloveable as ever. Still a Nothing Person. Always have been, always will be. Boring, worthless, unable to change, to be meaningful.
DDP Yoga Progress
It's been two weeks since I made the decision to start with DDP Yoga and while I meant to keep better track of things, I at least actually remembered what I've done thus far.
April 21-Signed up for a TeamDDPYoga.com account and used online video for first Diamond Dozen
April 22-Diamond Dozen
April 23-N/A Friend Time
April 24-Diamond Dozen
April 25-After much USPS.com stalking, DVDs arrive! Did Energy! that night.
May 2-N/A Had some weird stomach ailment that kept me down.
April 19-Was just casually catching up on all my DVR'ed Shark Tank episodes and was mildly amused that DDP was on there. Was amazed at the Arthur story and starting looking into the program seriously.
April 20-Sunday-Rewatched ST segment with Daniel and ordered DVDs that night.April 24-Diamond Dozen
April 25-After much USPS.com stalking, DVDs arrive! Did Energy! that night.
April 26-N/A Friend night
April 27-Energy
April 28-N/A Had the late shift at work and fell asleep early.
April 29-Energy
April 30-N/A Friend Night
May 1-Energy!April 27-Energy
April 28-N/A Had the late shift at work and fell asleep early.
April 29-Energy
April 30-N/A Friend Night
May 2-N/A Had some weird stomach ailment that kept me down.
My plan was to do an activity every night, but that obviously didn't happen. Oddly though, it almost perfectly coincides with the workbook's suggested scheduling, so that makes me feel a bit better that I'm about on par, just not up to my standards.
Results so far: I really thought with my lessened schedule that I would not see many results quickly, but I'm surprised by what I'm noticing right now. The little hump at the top of my spine has almost disappeared. I was sure I was going to be one of those hunchbacked little old ladies from years of carrying overloaded backpacks and purses and watching the ground, so I didn't even think of that as reversible.
I've been bad about the carb diet and splurged on easter candy and mexican food, but I'm actually back down to 185 from where I derailed completely on my previous weight loss. And while the scale will bounce back up to 190 and give me much sorrow, I just have to look at my body to feel better. My tummy's losing the chub I could grab in my hands and my arms aren't hanging so low anymore. There's not as much pudge to grab on my cheeks, either. My pants feel a bit looser around the thighs which is where I'm really hoping to see results on eventually.
The depression's not as bad, though that could be more a result of work sucking slightly less and seeing happy relationships set me down on a negative-thinking spiral, to where I was thinking prior to writing this "I'll still die alone, but at least I won't be fat and ugly." So...hope? Sort of?
Not much change in energy yet, since I'm still prone to just hanging out on the couch, but hopefully if I can get more stringent on the daily exercise, that and the psychological mess will start rectifying themselves.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Fitness Regime...maybe, it's not too late after all.
I had heard about DDP Yoga while watching wrestling, but thought it
was just something that had helped the older guys get cleaned up or to
move a little better. It wasn't until a couple weeks ago, when I was
catching up on recorded episodes of Shark Tank and got to the DDP Yoga. I
was bemused at first, but then seeing Arthur's transformation, I was
thoroughly amazed at how that could be the same person. I was floored
when nobody wanted to invest because the living proof in front of them
and not just doctored images was enough for me to see that this was a
winner of a program.
There's been very few times in my life when I haven't been overweight and it was mostly when I'd eat hardly anything at all. I'm about to turn 32 and was at my worst a few years ago. I did the Ketogenic diet and lost 40 lbs in half a year, but holidays or vacations, or I'm not even sure got me off track and I gained back 10lbs and never even got close to my goal weight. Again, depression took hold from job and personal issues and even though I knew I needed to exercise for weight loss and psychological help, I just couldn't get up off the couch at night to do it. I would start doing Kinect games or dvds and putz out after a week or two from whatever excuses.
But this, this seemed different. I read around online and different sites and there was not ONE negative thing anybody had to say, which was amazing in and of itself. But the more success stories I read and pictures I saw and even with seeing Arthur running for the first time...it's not even entirely about the weight loss. I do want that, but I've always envied that strength, as well. The things wrestlers and gymnasts and figures skaters can make their bodies do. It's so amazing and seemed so impossible. I'm old, don't have the right physique, even hitting the gym would never result in that kind of strength and flexibility that would be so amazing to possess.
But oddly, unlike with most other attempts, I have hope now. Hope that I can continue on with this and get my body to that level that I am in control of it and make it do these feats. That I can lose the weight and not be embarrassed to wear a swimsuit in public or have my picture taken. Hope that I can stick with this and make it routine and part of my life and maybe, just maybe, become one of the success stories and help others, too. I hope I'm not getting too ahead of myself with overreaching optimism, but DDP seems to have put so much caring into this and that it's not just a throwaway moneygrab, that I really want to push through and see just how far he can take me.
There's been very few times in my life when I haven't been overweight and it was mostly when I'd eat hardly anything at all. I'm about to turn 32 and was at my worst a few years ago. I did the Ketogenic diet and lost 40 lbs in half a year, but holidays or vacations, or I'm not even sure got me off track and I gained back 10lbs and never even got close to my goal weight. Again, depression took hold from job and personal issues and even though I knew I needed to exercise for weight loss and psychological help, I just couldn't get up off the couch at night to do it. I would start doing Kinect games or dvds and putz out after a week or two from whatever excuses.
But this, this seemed different. I read around online and different sites and there was not ONE negative thing anybody had to say, which was amazing in and of itself. But the more success stories I read and pictures I saw and even with seeing Arthur running for the first time...it's not even entirely about the weight loss. I do want that, but I've always envied that strength, as well. The things wrestlers and gymnasts and figures skaters can make their bodies do. It's so amazing and seemed so impossible. I'm old, don't have the right physique, even hitting the gym would never result in that kind of strength and flexibility that would be so amazing to possess.
But oddly, unlike with most other attempts, I have hope now. Hope that I can continue on with this and get my body to that level that I am in control of it and make it do these feats. That I can lose the weight and not be embarrassed to wear a swimsuit in public or have my picture taken. Hope that I can stick with this and make it routine and part of my life and maybe, just maybe, become one of the success stories and help others, too. I hope I'm not getting too ahead of myself with overreaching optimism, but DDP seems to have put so much caring into this and that it's not just a throwaway moneygrab, that I really want to push through and see just how far he can take me.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
An open letter to the men on OKCupid
I really, really want to put this on my profile, but I'm afraid it will come off unnecessarily bitchy and rude. So here goes:
Dear OKCupid users,
LEARN HOW TO FUCKING COMMUNICATE. Okay, that was pretty harsh. But seriously? You give me nothing to respond to. Nothing! I don't stop writing to blow you off, it's because you don't know how to write to another person. In order to communicate on the internet, written words are going to have to be exchanged and for the sole purpose of getting to know someone else, essentially letters are going to need to be written.
It's like, I can see you almost getting there, starting well and then you just...don't take the time to finish.
For example "hi, how are you" is a good start, but it should not be the entire contents of your message because I only have one word to say back to that and I'm probably not even going to make that much effort.
"I like the movie Usual Suspects, too!" Okay, that's a good try! You read through my profile and paid attention to what I like and tried to find common ground. A step in a positive direction. But then you just leave it there. There's really no direction to go from there. I already know I like it. I have no idea what you like about it, or what we can discuss about it or why else you messaged me because if it's based on just one movie, then...I think this is already doomed.
So tip #1: Either elaborate on information you give about yourself so that I learn more about you, or ask questions about me so that I have something I can write back to you about.
Here's a hint: Think about how it would sound if you were sitting at a dinner table with another person. "I like that movie." "That's....cool." *awkward silence*
Another example. Since I like to have enough substance to respond to, I like to give other people that courtesy by actually talking to them. So I will write some things about me and ask questions about them to give various topics that could be further discussed. Instead I am me with "cell phones are easier!" and "that manifesto" you wrote. Okay, so what the hell are we even doing on here then?
Tip #2: If you do not want to write messages with me then do not message me in the first place!
One more thing, the S&M stuff I see on there is starting to weird me out. I don't know why OKcupid is giving me this "dom" guys or what it's trying to say about me as a person, but I do not like it. There's plenty of other forums to meet people into that stuff, so take it over that way because it instantly creeps me out that you're just throwing that into the public masses.
Tip #3: TMI is not the same thing as putting facts about yourself in a profile so that I can get to know you.
Sincerely,
A
There, I think that's everything I wanted to say! Feels good to air that out!
Dear OKCupid users,
LEARN HOW TO FUCKING COMMUNICATE. Okay, that was pretty harsh. But seriously? You give me nothing to respond to. Nothing! I don't stop writing to blow you off, it's because you don't know how to write to another person. In order to communicate on the internet, written words are going to have to be exchanged and for the sole purpose of getting to know someone else, essentially letters are going to need to be written.
It's like, I can see you almost getting there, starting well and then you just...don't take the time to finish.
For example "hi, how are you" is a good start, but it should not be the entire contents of your message because I only have one word to say back to that and I'm probably not even going to make that much effort.
"I like the movie Usual Suspects, too!" Okay, that's a good try! You read through my profile and paid attention to what I like and tried to find common ground. A step in a positive direction. But then you just leave it there. There's really no direction to go from there. I already know I like it. I have no idea what you like about it, or what we can discuss about it or why else you messaged me because if it's based on just one movie, then...I think this is already doomed.
So tip #1: Either elaborate on information you give about yourself so that I learn more about you, or ask questions about me so that I have something I can write back to you about.
Here's a hint: Think about how it would sound if you were sitting at a dinner table with another person. "I like that movie." "That's....cool." *awkward silence*
Another example. Since I like to have enough substance to respond to, I like to give other people that courtesy by actually talking to them. So I will write some things about me and ask questions about them to give various topics that could be further discussed. Instead I am me with "cell phones are easier!" and "that manifesto" you wrote. Okay, so what the hell are we even doing on here then?
Tip #2: If you do not want to write messages with me then do not message me in the first place!
One more thing, the S&M stuff I see on there is starting to weird me out. I don't know why OKcupid is giving me this "dom" guys or what it's trying to say about me as a person, but I do not like it. There's plenty of other forums to meet people into that stuff, so take it over that way because it instantly creeps me out that you're just throwing that into the public masses.
Tip #3: TMI is not the same thing as putting facts about yourself in a profile so that I can get to know you.
Sincerely,
A
There, I think that's everything I wanted to say! Feels good to air that out!
An Introduction
Hi,
My name is Amanda. I work in a library, yet don't consider myself a librarian even though it's in my job title. I suppose part of that is that I didn't go to school for it and Library School seems to be a big part of this industry. But then, that's why I got my general business/marketing degrees, to pretty much ensure that I could get a job anywhere because technically every job is going to be a business in some capacity. Oddly enough, sometimes practicality does win out with me.
I am single and I'm sure we'll be hearing much more about that later in this blog.
I like cats and have a myriad of them at my house, both inside and out. This relates to the above in that I am probably going to die a crazy, old cat lady.
I'm a Gemini and many of the descriptions out there are pretty accurate towards me. The biggest problem is probably jumping from one project to another and never actually completing anything. And superficiality. I'm bad about that, too.
I have seen very little of the world and the stuff I have seen hasn't been that interesting. Ooh, except the NASA trip. Maybe that will come up again.
I am a weird mix of insecurity, comfortableness, laziness, independence, bossiness, creativity and anxiety.
I am 28 years old, but have taken to just calling it 30 so that it won't be so bad when that actually happens. I'm still a bit afraid of it, though. :(
I still like toys. Very much. And shopping. And games. Fun stuff.
I also wish I was better at something artistic so that I could put all the ideas and stories that come into my head in some form that could be viewed by others or even remembered by me again, but I suck and can't find the means to learn and can't even find a collaborator to do this stuff with. Perhaps that says something more about me, which is where the low self-esteem rears it's ugly head.
And summed up, I really don't sound that interesting, so already blog has epic fail written all over it.
My name is Amanda. I work in a library, yet don't consider myself a librarian even though it's in my job title. I suppose part of that is that I didn't go to school for it and Library School seems to be a big part of this industry. But then, that's why I got my general business/marketing degrees, to pretty much ensure that I could get a job anywhere because technically every job is going to be a business in some capacity. Oddly enough, sometimes practicality does win out with me.
I am single and I'm sure we'll be hearing much more about that later in this blog.
I like cats and have a myriad of them at my house, both inside and out. This relates to the above in that I am probably going to die a crazy, old cat lady.
I'm a Gemini and many of the descriptions out there are pretty accurate towards me. The biggest problem is probably jumping from one project to another and never actually completing anything. And superficiality. I'm bad about that, too.
I have seen very little of the world and the stuff I have seen hasn't been that interesting. Ooh, except the NASA trip. Maybe that will come up again.
I am a weird mix of insecurity, comfortableness, laziness, independence, bossiness, creativity and anxiety.
I am 28 years old, but have taken to just calling it 30 so that it won't be so bad when that actually happens. I'm still a bit afraid of it, though. :(
I still like toys. Very much. And shopping. And games. Fun stuff.
I also wish I was better at something artistic so that I could put all the ideas and stories that come into my head in some form that could be viewed by others or even remembered by me again, but I suck and can't find the means to learn and can't even find a collaborator to do this stuff with. Perhaps that says something more about me, which is where the low self-esteem rears it's ugly head.
And summed up, I really don't sound that interesting, so already blog has epic fail written all over it.
Another Beginning
So many half-assed footprints left on the internet that nobody but me will ever probably know about. I imagine this one will end up like the others since I often have these whims of grand ideas that will surely blossom into an ongoing thing that takes me to awesome places and then turn out to last til the end of the day if I'm lucky.
This one...I'm not sure. Because at the moment I don't have plans to show it to anybody I know. I started typing out a diary of sorts in my email/flash drive, but when the tough times passed I didn't feel the need anymore. I'm struggling with interior things in a more general sense now, though and I think I just need a more personal outlet. Facebook is filled with family members and friends I never talk to in real life or online and livejournal's a weird assortment of people I know in real life and have met online through different interests, so I use it more for superfluous updates rather than going through feelings and what not. So why do I even want to broadcast the things I won't say to friends out to the internet? Hm, good question.
I suppose I'm envious of other bloggers who obtain friends and followers just by posting clever musings on the internet. I have...musings so why not me too? Maybe I just have a lot to say that doesn't fall into my other accounts, but might be shared by other people out there. Maybe a more structured form will keep me on track with actually writing things down so that I don't forget my own life. Or maybe I just know that nothing will really come of this anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
This one...I'm not sure. Because at the moment I don't have plans to show it to anybody I know. I started typing out a diary of sorts in my email/flash drive, but when the tough times passed I didn't feel the need anymore. I'm struggling with interior things in a more general sense now, though and I think I just need a more personal outlet. Facebook is filled with family members and friends I never talk to in real life or online and livejournal's a weird assortment of people I know in real life and have met online through different interests, so I use it more for superfluous updates rather than going through feelings and what not. So why do I even want to broadcast the things I won't say to friends out to the internet? Hm, good question.
I suppose I'm envious of other bloggers who obtain friends and followers just by posting clever musings on the internet. I have...musings so why not me too? Maybe I just have a lot to say that doesn't fall into my other accounts, but might be shared by other people out there. Maybe a more structured form will keep me on track with actually writing things down so that I don't forget my own life. Or maybe I just know that nothing will really come of this anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
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